It’s no secret that many relationships start hot and heavy then cool off as the years wear on. The honeymoon phase sends sparks flying as couples explore each other in the bedroom. But over time, many couples fall into the trap of getting comfortable with their relationship. Those sparks fizzle out, and some might not even bother to give a peck on the cheek.

While this can be frustrating, a lull in libido is a natural part of any long-term relationship. The passion isn’t gone forever—both of you just need to find it again! Married couples who’ve spent their whole lives together can still rekindle that flame. Remember that all good things in life require time and hard work, and a healthy sexual relationship is no different. To reclaim that sexy spark, couples will have to work together and separately as individuals.

Signs it’s time to spice things up

It’s none too difficult to recognize when that bubbly connection has gone flat. You and your partner know the relationship better than anyone else, so the signs of a fizzle out are usually obvious. Listen to your intuition—if you’re asking whether the spark has dwindled, the answer is probably yes. Couples with an uneventful sex life often experience these signs:

• Little to no sex: This one is a dead giveaway. If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner got busy in the bedroom, the two of you are due for a relationship makeover! New couples have sex around once a week on average, but that frequency begins to drop off the longer their relationship lasts. Take an honest look at how often you two are intimate and think about what you want to change.
• Neglecting outer appearances: A person who’s no longer interested in physical intimacy tends to “let themselves go.” This tends to happen because the person isn’t preoccupied with appearing physically attractive. Change happens slowly, but someone will notice right away when their partner stops putting in effort.
• Going through the motions: For some couples, a lack of sex isn’t the problem. Two people can have plenty of sex but still experience a low libido. It’s time to breathe life back into the relationship when sex falls into a predictable pattern. Both people know exactly what’s going to happen, and as a result, the sex becomes boring.

Working together as a couple

As the old adage says, “It takes two to tango.” In order for intimacy to thrive, both people in the relationship have to be on the same page about what they want. Great sex always starts with communication. Here are some fun ideas to discuss with your partner:

• Break up the routine with a surprise: Many couples have understandably gotten bored with their nightly rituals. They drive home from work, eat dinner, maybe fool around in the bedroom then fall asleep. Life becomes mundane, and the relationship suffers because of it. Surprise your partner with a reservation to the restaurant where you two had your first date. Buy a sentimental gift or book a day trip to the spa. Whatever it is, the surprise is sure to help both of you remember that initial spark!
• Make time for intimacy: Don’t feel pressured to have sex a certain number of times per week. Instead, create opportunities for intimacy and see where things go from there. Cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or treat your partner to a shoulder rub after a long day of work. Small interactions like these set the right tone and increase the chance of you two taking things to the bedroom.

How to boost your own libido

In some cases, one person rejects the other’s attempts to initiate bedroom activities due to a low sex drive. Individuals with lower libidos should consider working toward a better relationship with themselves before they can pursue an active sex life with their partner. If you’re missing that flame, keep a few things in mind:

• Feel sexy in your skin: It sounds cheesy, but should try to love yourself before others can love you back. Some people shy away from sex because they’re self-conscious about their bodies. If you feel sexy, your partner will think you’re sexy, too! Wear clothes that make you look and feel good for an instant confidence boost. Create a fun workout routine to celebrate your body and the amazing things it can do.
• Talk about what you like: If sex leaves you feeling unsatisfied, then it’s time to switch up the game plan. Have an open, honest discussion with your partner about what you both feel comfortable with in the bedroom and where there’s room for experimentation. The problem could simply be that you haven’t found what makes you tick.

When both people are willing to put in the effort, it’s possible to rekindle that spark. Remember what attracted the two of you together in the first place and let that knowledge guide the journey ahead. Who knows—maybe the best sex of your life has yet to come!